Sniff, Found this explanation on the web about how to fly (a glider on) instruments if the ABBAJABBA was U/S:
"Instrument Flying Rip Pearson
We are well into that time of the year during which flight by sole reference to instruments becomes necessary, just ask Roger or Lyn. With this in mind, I thought the following article, plagiarised from another publication, would be of interest. You see, it is all to do with cats, ducks and buttered toast.
Since everyone knows that cats always land with their feet down, just carry a cat in a cage with you when you fly. If you get disoriented, shake the cage and see which way the cat lands. Now, I’m allergic to cats, so I use buttered toast. We all know that a slice of buttered toast always falls buttered side down when dropped, what’s more they don’t need a litter box. Keeping the buttered slice of toast in a bag helps to keep the butter off the inside of the canopy – stay clean. However, it is really important to have redundancy to be absolutely safe, one has only to peruse the accident summaries to realise that a failure of one instrument can create confusion and spatial disorientation. In these situations, backup instruments, preferably from a completely different power source, are critical. This is why I use the buttered toast strapped to the back of a cat strategy. In this configuration, you are both pussy powered and flour powered. If the toast is applied correctly, no matter which way the cat is tossed, it always points towards the earth, alive or dead. This is basic science and a well known fact.
Please be extremely careful when using the cat and buttered toast method. If the toast is strapped to the cat’s back with the buttered side facing up (away from the cat’s fur) the cat/toast combination will just spin round and round defying gravity, as both forces of nature are trying to accomplish the same end. This is proven in Newton’s little known Furball and Churn theorem and was also the first design of our modern gyros.
At first I had problems attaching the toast to the cat, as the toast would not stick to dirty fur. To remedy the situation, I had to give my cat a bath first: Most would say that giving your cat a bath is a bad idea. I must say, I gave mine a bath the other night and she really enjoyed it, so don’t hesitate to give yours a bath before installation of the toast; I did get some hair on my tongue though.
While adding a cat instrument is good, the best method includes both a cat and a duck.
The Cat and Duck Method Of Instrument Flying
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always remains upright, it can be used instead of the artificial horizon, simply watch which way the cat leans to determine which wing is low, and if so, which one.
2. The duck is used to assist the descent on instruments in cloud, it is only necessary to hurl it out of the glider and follow it to the ground.
Limitations to the Cat and Duck Method
1. Get a wide awake cat. Most cats don’t want to stand up at all. It may be necessary to carry a small dog in the cockpit to make the cat pay attention.
2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a snap roll followed by an inverted spin.
3. Use an old cat. Young cats still have many of their nine lives left, but an old cat has just as much to lose as you do and will be more dependable.
4. Avoid cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers you are using the cat to keep the wings level, it may refuse to leave without it. Ducks are no better in cloud than you are.
5. Make sure your duck has good eyesight. Near sighted ducks may fail to realise they are on the gauges and go flailing off into Black Combe or the slag bank. Very near sighted ducks may not realise they have been thrown from the glider and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This is very difficult to follow.
6. Use land loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find yourselves over the estuary, especially if there are duck hunters about. Duck hunters suffer from temporary insanity after sitting in freezing hides and will shoot at anything that flies.
7. Finally, choose your duck carefully, bone up on your waterfowl recognition, it’s easy to confuse ducks with geese because many waterfowl look alike. Geese are competent instrument fliers, but they seldom go where you want them to. If your duck sets off for Canada, you can be sure you’ve been given the goose."
www.lakesgc.co.uk/news0002/news0002.html
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