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Post by Antonio on Oct 28, 2022 23:21:59 GMT 12
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Jokes
Nov 8, 2022 20:52:30 GMT 12
Post by Antonio on Nov 8, 2022 20:52:30 GMT 12
The only viruses threatening humanity today are the so-called social media influenzas!
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Jokes
Nov 8, 2022 22:11:54 GMT 12
oj likes this
Post by Dave Homewood on Nov 8, 2022 22:11:54 GMT 12
And the government, Antonio.
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Jokes
Nov 10, 2022 23:16:30 GMT 12
Post by Antonio on Nov 10, 2022 23:16:30 GMT 12
  Questions? |
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Jokes
Nov 11, 2022 11:38:32 GMT 12
Post by Dave Homewood on Nov 11, 2022 11:38:32 GMT 12
Um  |
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Jokes
Nov 14, 2022 7:42:53 GMT 12
via mobile
Post by vultee43 on Nov 14, 2022 7:42:53 GMT 12
Probably Russian Meatgrinder 2.0
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Post by shorty on Jan 18, 2023 9:31:17 GMT 12
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked, "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?" Her husband replied, "It's a war to stop America and NATO." "Oh, right” she says “How's it going?"
“Well” he replied “so far we have lost over 20 generals, 110,000 troops killed, countless injured, 3000 tanks, 300 aircraft, hundreds of helicopters, countless armoured vehicles, artillery and trucks, our flagship along with other naval ships, our army is being defeated in most areas and we have had to resort to conscription to replace our losses”.
“Wow” replied the wife “what about America and NATO”?
“They haven’t turned up yet”
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Post by johnm on Jan 18, 2023 15:40:28 GMT 12
IQ of NZ & OZ
I had a good laugh when a Kiwi told me when Rob (piggy) Muldoon was commenting on the number of Kiwis emigrating to OZ
He stated ?:
'the IQ's of both countries will increase immeasurably with the current emigration statistics'
.................... that is clever wit
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Jokes
Jan 18, 2023 19:13:32 GMT 12
Post by delticman on Jan 18, 2023 19:13:32 GMT 12
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked, "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?" Her husband replied, "It's a war to stop America and NATO." "Oh, right” she says “How's it going?" “Well” he replied “so far we have lost over 20 generals, 110,000 troops killed, countless injured, 3000 tanks, 300 aircraft, hundreds of helicopters, countless armoured vehicles, artillery and trucks, our flagship along with other naval ships, our army is being defeated in most areas and we have had to resort to conscription to replace our losses”. “Wow” replied the wife “what about America and NATO”? “They haven’t turned up yet” That is really black humour. |
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Post by shorty on Jan 19, 2023 9:10:54 GMT 12
A businessman was interviewing job applicants for the position of manager of a large division.
He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate.
He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist.
His answer was, "Twenty-two".
The second was a social worker.
She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."
The third applicant was an engineer.
He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."
Next came an attorney.
He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."
Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant.
When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back, and sat down.
Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
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Post by shorty on Feb 9, 2023 10:21:35 GMT 12
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,
"Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank."
Passenger: “Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
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Post by errolmartyn on Mar 3, 2023 21:55:04 GMT 12
Things Irish seem to be popular here at the moment, so time to lighten up a little with a joke:
Michael Murphy was visiting London when he was accidentally run over and killed by a steamroller.
A normal casket was not practical for the sending of his body back to Ireland, so his remains were slotted into a large envelope and posted to his home town of Dublin.
However, the letter promptly arrived back at the sender’s address in London – scrawled on the envelope were the words ‘Return to sender – opened in Eire’.
(With acknowledgement, I think, to Spike Milligan)
Errol
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